Things to Know For Your First Electrocardiogram

Or, notes to myself for the next one. 

1. Bring running shoes.
2. Wear comfortable pants that you can move in.
3. If you're a girl, wear a comfortable bra - you're going to be wearing it during the test.
4. Bring some water.
5. It's not as scary as it looks.
6. The stickers on your body are going to be itchy.
7. The gown they make you wear is really cumbersome and heavy. 
8. Next time will be easier.

A New Life Experience

Today, I went to see a cardiologist at one of the hospitals here. She is my father's doctor during his recovery period from his surgery. Because of my father's unusual circumstances and the fact that he did not display the normal symptoms of having a heart attack and heart disease, they want to be careful and see if my brother and I have inherited this defect from my father.

His cardiologist arranged for me to be referred to her and they set me up to do a stress test to see how my heart and blood pressure performs under exercise. I really had no idea what to expect. I should have done a little bit of research, but I feel like if I did that then I would have been more scared than I already was. When they took my resting heart beat, it was a lot faster than what it is normally because I was so nervous and anxious. I was just afraid of the unknown I guess. This is a totally new experience and hospitals are relatively foreign to me. Before going to that hospital in Slovakia last year I don't even remember the last time I was in one. 

They had a ECG (electrocardiogram) machine with a bunch of wires attached to me. The machine is the one in the center right under the monitor and behind the keyboard. It was very clunky. I had to wear a belt like thing on my waist the whole time. There were so many wires! At first, when I was at rest, the things that were stuck onto my were really itchy. I just wanted to scratch at everything, but I resisted the urge. I've actually done a ECG before. Way back when I fainted in Slovakia. The doctors there wanted to make sure my heart was okay. But this was a very different experience. 

The treadmill they put me on was weird. Very different from the ones that you find at gyms. You can see it above on the right. They have intervals set out and it increases every 3 minutes. I was surprised at how fast the thing was going even from the start. I feel like if I haven't been exercising on and off the past few months I wouldn't be able to keep up. Every time the pace quicken, they also increased the incline of the treadmill. Every couple of minutes my blood pressure was taken as well. 

I had no issues for the first 3 sets of intervals. But the 4th one was really uncomfortable so I asked to stop. The pace was one that we between a run and a walk. It was too fast for me to walk, my strides aren't long enough. But much too slow for me to jog. I was already sore from running yesterday so trying to lengthen my stride was rather painful so I gave up. The gown that I was wearing didn't help matters either. It kept getting caught up. But it was okay. They wanted my heart rate to get to 175 and it did that already.

It was interesting to watching my heart rate go up and down. When the pace of the machine changed, my heart rate would increase, but as I stayed at one pace for awhile, it would fall back down again. At the last interval I think my heart beat got up to 184 but within a minute fell back down to 179 where it stayed. 

I met with the cardiologist immediately after the stress test and she went over my test results. I had my cholesterol taken previously and she was really happy with that. My bad cholesterol score was really low - for most people they need to be medically brought down to that point. I had more good cholesterol than I did bad as well so that's really healthy. My heart rate was normal - no weird patterns and when it was brought down to rest, it performed normally as well. My blood pressure was fine the whole time. So all in all, I have a good heart. It's just about keeping it up and maintaining it. Exercise and eating healthy. Less meat. 

I have a follow up ultrasound of the heart. I've been put on the wait list so really it can happen any time they have a cancellation. Because my father's condition was a result of a valve, they just want to take a look at mine to make sure it is operating fine. 

So this is good news. This is one less thing for me to worry about. So many other things on my mind. 

On Marriage and an Unconventional Life

Yesterday my mother asked me how I imagined my wedding to be. I've never really thought about it, to be honest. And when I told her that she seemed a little put off. But my dad seemed to get it. My mom's response was that every little girl dreams about her wedding. Yes, that may be true, but this girl dreams of food and travel, of adventure and exploration. Not just one day of her life.

When I think of my wedding day, all I see are blank, hazy bits. I can see WHO is there, but all the other details are all blurry. because I really don't know. I have vague ideas, and even have a Pinterest board for it, but that is all they are - ideas. It seems my mother, and according to her, my grandmother, already know who they want to invite. As the oldest of my generation and being a girl, the pressure is there. My mother keeps reminding me, by my age, she was already married to my father.

What I do know is that I want to play homage to my Chinese heritage, probably having two receptions, like my aunt and uncle when they got married, one Chinese and one western. But beyond that, I really have no idea what I want in a wedding. That can be something I resolve when I decide to settle down, but for now, I enjoy living the unconventional life, dreaming about the next exotic travel destination or adventure.

Dreams So Real

Last night I had a dream that felt so real to me that when I woke up I was sure it was happening to me. It was all related to my health - something that I've been worrying about (but trying hard not to as I wait). My doctors are giving me the run around. My family doctor says I need to see a specialist and referred me to one, but I can't make the appointment - they have to. They said they sent my file, but when I called the specialist, they don't have anything. And so I keep having to wait. I've called and called. I'm sure the specialist office thinks I'm a pest calling every day. But I have to. I have a timeline, if I want to go back to Budapest. Plus, this is the initial meeting. I'm sure there will be more tests and follow up appointments. I only have 6 weeks left now.

My dream last night was one where I had a major flare up with patches of rashes all over my body, aching bones and general discomfort. I was convinced when I woke up that it was actually happening and it was all over my body. But thankfully it wasn't and it was all a dream. But it was unsettling and until I know for sure either way, its going to continue to be unsettling.

I'm sick of waiting for confirmation. The signs are all there (mostly), and the blood work so far proves it. Of course there are other possibilities than what I think it is, but regardless, there is definitely something wrong. I just want to know so I can focus on getting better and figure out how to manage it. Most days I feel absolutely fine. Occasionally some soreness in my bones - mostly my wrists and sometimes in my elbow and arms. But it could just be me being paranoid. I try not to dwell on it too much, but some days when I'm hurting, I just can't help it. I just want to know and I'm so sick of waiting.

I've made my peace with it. I'm prepared for the worst already, but secretly hoping that its not as bad as I think it is. My mother gives me hope that it'll be okay. She is living proof of it.

Trashy Books

I'm currently making my way through Reflected to You by Sylvia Day and I don't even know why I'm trying to put myself through it. I read/skimmed through Bared to You, the first of the series, on the flight home from Budapest. For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to borrow the second book from the library. I've been half-heartedly reading it this past week.

I've read 50 Shades of Grey. and once I got past the whole sex thing, I thought it was okay. So I read the rest of the series. By the time I was done with it all, I felt so disgusted by it all and all the time I wasted reading the series. I equate reading the series to eating way too much junk food and ice cream in one sitting, or perhaps watching too much reality TV (of which I'm also guilty of).

One of my friends in Budapest really likes this genre, and she recommended this other series to read. I put it off for so long, but leaving me on a plane for 10+ hours without internet called for some escapist reading. I just don't know why I put myself through it again.

The story line is so empty and the characters are so stupid. Yes, they're flawed, but aren't most characters? That makes them complex, but its totally not the case in these books. And I've come to realize why I really can't make myself finish the book. It reminds me too much of a past relationship - of the obsession, of all the crazy dramatic fights. At the time, I knew it was unhealthy, but couldn't be strong enough to break free. In hindsight I see all the wrongs in the relationship and is the source of many regrets. This book just run too close to home for me and I can't bear to read about it. I really have no idea why people like it so much.

Enlighten me?

When You’re the Boss

When you’re the boss you have no one to turn to with your problems. Things have been rather stressful for the past few weeks since the previous head teacher left. With me taking on more responsibilities and trying to train a new member of the management team its getting a bit intense. Not to mention arranging for new teachers to come and getting new contracts all set up. Its all getting a bit much and while I trust my decision making, sometimes I wonder if I’m making the right decision at all.

I’m stressed out about what I’m going to do. I’m going home for sure. But then what? Stay in Vancouver, come back to Budapest, move to Toronto? London? I don’t know. I can’t make up my mind. Europe or North America? I wish I could just make up my mind and start planning a course of action, but there are too many factors. Too many things to think about and I can’t stop thinking about it. I try not to dwell on it. Trying to live in the moment, but its just so hard. I want to know what is happening now!

I’ve started a list of things I want to do in Hungary before I leave. I’m pretty sure I that is the best course of action. If I come back, it would be for all the wrong reasons. All my friends have left and I’d be only returning because it is comfortable.

Lately life has been like walking on eggshells. I never know what will set me off. I get irritable easily and I’m almost always exhausted from the day. I want it to stop. I want to go back to my bubbly self.

Work is such an uphill battle and it seems more things are going wrong than right and I don’t know if I have the energy or willpower to fix it and make it work. There are so many things against it and I’m so ready to give up the fight. But when you’re the boss, its best not to let these feelings show. I really have no idea how my boss managed this before me. But I guess its his business – so he really had no choice. It HAD to work. Sigh.

When The Going Gets Tough

I didn't end up going to Croatia as planned. I did go to Romania for that wedding though and then as soon as I got back, I got really sick. You can read about it here.

And now, my luck has gotten worse. Last night my office was broken into and my laptop was stolen. I don't always leave my laptop at work, it was just my bad luck that it happened on the only day this week that I decided to leave it at work. My laptop wasn't the only that was taken. Another coworker's was taken as well. They also took some petty cash.

I'm not so upset at the fact that they took my computer. A computer is easy to replace - just buy a new one. But its more the files and documents that were on it that I'm more upset about. It was my work computer as well. I lost all my emails, all my data and now I have nothing for work. I do have a back up, but I haven't done one in almost 2 months. And I'm sad that I lost photos. I think that is what I'm most upset about because those I cannot recreate. Those captured moments are lost. 

It just seems like there have been a series of unfortunate events. First getting sick, not going to Croatia, then having a massive medical bill to deal with. One of my really good friends has also just decided to leave Budapest. Needless to say, my spirit is feeling a bit defeated. So much bad news in such a short period of time.